I'm NOT scared!!!

My Scarey Stuff!!!

Now I know that a big strapping Thoroughbred racehorse like me shouldn't be scared of anything, and on balance I'm not.

I just have a couple of silly little issues that bother me. It's not a big deal. It can happen to all of us. Have a look and tell me these don't trouble you too. Why I'm sharing these with you I have no idea.

Nasty African albino roadside snake

Horrible thing tried to take a bite out of my head and inject poison into my brain. Lucky for me I jumped out of the way real quick. Not so lucky for Mum who went flying off the otherside of me. These things are just brutal and should be culled!!!

Nasty mutant ninja cockroaches

These nasty little things will chase you and tease you by doing acrobatics like somersaults and stuff and then when you least expect it they jump on to your nose and hoards of them invade your nostrils until you can't breath anymore.

Truck of doom

One of these things came flying down the road past me the other day and my dad had to wash my tail.

UFO's

You have to be kidding if you think you are going to abduct me and have your wicked way with me. You'll have to bloody catch me first.

Satans Puppy

How the hell did all those teeth fit into one mouth? These creatures are PREDATORS and they eat you. Nuff said. If you see one chuck your rider into the nearest bush and leg it down the road as quick as you can. DO NOT turn back to look as their teeth can be fired from their mouths and will strip your butt before you have time to use it.

Sky of light

What the bloody hell was that? If I run around quick enough it will never catch me, AGGGGGGHHHH It did it again. DADDDDD :(

Blood Drainer

Bazz just lift you leg whilst I stick this into your hoof and let me drain all of your blood out of your leg. Yeah right, see ya later then Dad.

I don't know and I don't want to know

Horse eating pygmy's now have ammo. They fired one of these at me the other day and it nearly took my head off. Made of cement and have an explosive layer in the middle which can skin an entire horse in less than a second. Unless you stamp on it that is. Which I didn't cos I was running the other way.

Nasty Furry Little Thing.

I heard from a friend of a friend that one of these gnawed his entire hoof off and there is no way I'm going to let them get close enough to me to do that.

The Disappearing Road

What's around the corner? What's hiding in the trees? They are going to get me, they are waiting, I am running, the other way. Ohh this is all too much for me.

Bags of death

Not funny. These things scare the hell out of me, what are they anyway? If you don't keep your wits about you, they leap into the air and smother your face and suffocate you. My advice, run away. Sideways works for me it confuses them.

Bags of death with worms hanging out of their bums

Oh very bloody clever, it was bad enough that the ground version was intimidating, now this thing is just plain nasty. My advice, make a lot of noise and run around in circles to scare them away.

The stalker

Bloody ghost horse keeps following me every time I go out. Get an intervention order, and try and distract it by walking sideways, backing up, moving in quick circles. If that doesn't work turn around and head back home.

Killer rabid egg laying turdy botfly thingy

Kick it, bite it, run to the other side of the paddock pig rooting like hell and then sook big time when it comes back and then start all over again. DO NOT stand still, it has a toxic poison that will make your legs fall off if they are not moving.

No idea what these stupid looking animals are

Remember they can jump higher than a telegraph pole and will then land right on top of your head. And they have lasers built into their eyeballs, and they will kill you if they get close enough to see you. I had one chasing me with his eyes the other day and it was only my racehorse instinct that saved me when I jumped into the hedge to avoid their evil gaze.

Airborne Lion

 

Run like buggery before it eats you.

 

 

Australian ground snake

Found near the tack room and used by humans to taunt the crap out of you. If you see one approaching edge away gradually. If held by a human they will be pretty miffed, so make sure the human can not get close enough when holding one. If they attach it under your throat, it's all over.

House on a stick

Inhabited by axe wielding maniacs that have a passion for eating horses hearts. If you see one run in a circle until you knock it over.

 

Quicksand

Found on the paddock after a little rain. Don't be fooled by the fact a human walked across it, they can do that. We can not. If you even try you will find yourself up to your nostrils in deadly horse eating sand that will suffocate you.

Jack in a box

I'm not even going to rise to it. I heard about this horse that got too close and a 100m snake came flying out, and the spring at the bottom took his head clean off. Walk sideways really carefully, don't take your eyes off and DO NOT stop to poo.

Nasty thing in a tin

You evil troll you will never catch me.

Nasty little buggers when it is windy I might add. One of these suckers chased me up the road once. I won though beat it by miles.

4 legged Numnah

They are not suppose to walk!!! I came across one of these the other day and I swear it moved towards me. I was off like a rocket. I think someone spiked my water, or it's probably the drugs in the Stringhalt ultimate cure V3 that's doing it.

Big blue flat bag of death

I don't give a figs arse what Pat Parelli said. I'm not bloody walking on it OK?!

Wind

I wanna go home Dad.